Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize
