Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
he thought i was a dude.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
Randomize