is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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