I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
