What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Randomize
