Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Randomize
