I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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