I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Randomize
