a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
