He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
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