no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
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