return my video game
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Randomize
