yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
Can you repeat that, but with context?
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
