sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
