K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Randomize
