Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
