found the other keg... it's in the tree
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
