He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Randomize
