I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
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