I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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