One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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