there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
