I wannas sexs uuuuu
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Randomize
