thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
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