she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
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