ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
