i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
