i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
My ATM looks so different sober.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Randomize
