you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Randomize
