quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Randomize
