The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Randomize
