The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Randomize