Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
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