I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
false alarm, still single
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