My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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