when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
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