I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
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