My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
I need to calm my uterus...
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
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