Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
