The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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