Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Randomize