help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Randomize
