I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Randomize
