alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Randomize
