Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
