you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Randomize
