you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
Is Oprah even human
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
