I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
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