i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
