Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
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