Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
