Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
Randomize
