dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Randomize
