I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
