I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
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