I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Randomize
