Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
