dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
I think a kid would responsible me up
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
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