we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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