hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
i out mim tonsoeep
Randomize
