this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
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