Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Randomize
