i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Randomize
