At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Randomize