i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
Randomize
