shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
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