Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
