I like to think it a success when the cops are called
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Randomize