I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
