Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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