We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
I forget how to act sober
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
