I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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